FEELING YOUR PAIN

This page is dedicated to those grieving the loss of a loved one 1 Pe 5:7. Sometimes hearing sad words or music makes us feel better because we know that the artist knows our pain Heb 4:15; Isa 53:3.

Jerry’s wife Gwen passed away on September 20, 2018. On the morning of January 23, 2019 Jerry woke up from his dream crying. He had to write about it and how it made him feel. His song is called “All This To Say.”


ALL THIS TO SAY

Woke up from dreaming

That you were leaving

Only to see, you had already gone.

Funny thing about dreams

Not always as it seems

But this one had me crying at dawn.

A new world all upside down

Where to go, what to do, can’t turn around

Really don’t know where I am bound

Sad to say once a smile, now a frown.

Part of this dream came true,

What to do without you

Hoping for the Old

And fearing the new.

You always thought of me

Now I always think of you

Wishing and hoping

Are great things to do,

But waking from this dream

Broke my heart anew

All this to say I’m missing you.

All this to say I’m missing you.

by Jerry Legacy

SELAH

During our small group Bible study, I shared my story of how Julia and I got engaged, reminiscing those happy days, when I gave Julia a grass ring as an engagement ring. Janet later sent me a poem that she wrote describing this happening from Julia’s perspective. This was such a kind gesture, to show me that she felt my pain of missing Julie. Below is the poem.

-The Grass Ring-

You wanted to give me the world, to show your love for me.

I already saw your love, in how you looked at me.

I said anything would do, a ring was not a must.

You looked humbly around, just above the dust.

You wanted to give me the world, just like Jesus did.

You gave me the world with your love, your love was never hid.

I preserved my ring in wax, to enjoy the moments past.

Your love for me is timeless, this love will always last.

by Janet Andre

SELAH

Greg lost his wife on August 16, 2015. He shares his heart in this short poem.

I Don’t Know (Memoriam)

I don’t know why

I open my eyes;

I will never see

the like of her.

The music of my life,

its rhythm and meaning,

her sunlight gleaming:

my food, my fodder,

pushing up love

from its roots

in my soul.

You see the world, now,

through my eyes;

you breathe

my breaths.

You are the beat

of my heart.

I will cry the oceans dry

for you, my love.

You are my life,

my love forever—

by Gregory John Saxby

To check out Greg’s book “Sipping Tea” click here-

SELAH

“__Real -to -__Real “

December 17 2018

Well I woke up this morning and I just smiled

Cause in my dream , she just smiled at me.

Sometimes you struggle to focus , because you really_ really, don’t want to see.

It’s a new day, still dark outside, but it seemed a little brighter from my view.

Time doesn’t heal all, it just spreads out the grief, joining past, present and the new.

The past may haunt you, the present may grieve you, the future yet to be known,

Hold on to Hope, Pray for Peace, and Lean on His Love, for you are His own.

Like on an old Reel to Reel , recording how I feel, it helps me to not fall apart.

The pain is real, the hurt is real, this emptiness that so fills my heart.

Reel to Reel or Real to Real, it really boils down to one thing.

When Grief hits as it does unannounced, you surely will feel the sting.

by Jerry Legacy

SELAH

Time Will Tell 11:30 June 29 -2019

Time does not heal all of your sorrows,

But it does spread it over yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Time, time , where does it go,

Time ,time , what will it show.

Time can be a friend, or an unwanted foe,

It may take you places, you don’t want to go.

Time, time, where does it go,

Time , time what will it show.

Time waits for no one, not even you,

Can’t turn it back, where to go, what to do?

You can give yourself time , but don’t be a thief,

Time waits for no one,

Let time spread the grief.

As you wait to sense the morning,

To wait to sense the night,

Over and over time passes, still nothing seems right.

Time, time , where does it go,

Time ,time what will it show.

Longing for the past to be present in the future,

Grief needs time to be allowed to nurture.

by Jerry Legacy

SELAH

Thursday, February 16, 2017.

 I was preparing to share Julia’s song, “Father of Love” for our next “Circle” meeting (a Bible Study group which meets every Friday afternoon at Bible Fellowship).  I was searching for a similar psalm with the same structure as “Father of Love” (the song starts out with Julia, crying out to God in the midst of trials, but then affirms God’s love by the end of the message).  I liked Psalm 56, but continued to search and stumbled across Psalm 88, which surprised me. I had always pictured the tribulation Psalms as presenting the psalmist’s adverse circumstances but always concluding with the positive truth that God would deliver them.  However, Psalm 88 was unique.  It introduced the psalmist in deep depression and ended with “darkness is my closest friend.”  

I did some research on the writer of this psalm trying to get more insight into this unusual psalm.  It was written by Heman the Ezrahite, not to be confused with Haman (Est 3:1), the dubious enemy of Mordecai in the book of Esther.  Interesting, Heman means truthful or faithful which he was in service to King David (1 Ch 15:16,17).  His father was Joel (1 Ch 6:31,32,33), a dishonest judge, son of the prophet and judge Samuel (1 Sa 8:1,2,3).  Heman was one of three elite singers chosen from the Levites, along with his family of seventeen children (1 Ch 25:4,5,6) to provide praise music.  He was also King David’s seer and was quite wise, being placed in the class of wise men compared to Solomon, the wisest man to ever live (1 Kings 4:29,30,31).

Psalm 88 portrays a dark depression without a hopeful conclusion and yet the Holy Spirit allowed this psalm to remain in Scripture.  I focused on the very last verse, 

“18 You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend.” 

I then zoomed in on the word darkness and tried to make some connections with other Bible verses.

In Matthew 27 it is recorded, 

45 From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land.  46 About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).  

Also, in Isaiah 53, 

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. 4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.  5 But he was pierced for our transgressions he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds, we are healed.”

I concluded that Heman was asking God, three rhetorical questions, which he believed the answers were no, but Jesus was coming to change the response to yes

10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?  Do their spirits rise up and praise you?

11 Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction?

12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness, or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

Jesus told Paul in Acts 26, 

15 “Then I asked, ‘Who are you, Lord?’ ” ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ the Lord replied. 16 ‘Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen and will see of me. 17 I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them 18 to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’

Heman was crying out symbolically for mankind, to be delivered from the darkness and Jesus came to finally answer and fulfill Heman’s request for all of mankind.

I thank you, Lord, for this insight during my struggle with the darkness, knowing You, will bring good out of bad in my circumstances, if I allow You (Ro 8:28). 

by george Farkas

FATHER OF LOVE

SELAH (Even if my heart won’t stop aching…this heart of mine will forever praise You)

Jerry:

Living without, is not living.

FRI 1:01 PM

George:

Soon, He will wipe away every tear! Rev 21:4

4:30 AM

Jerry:

The loss of my Gwen started one year ago tomorrow . I was out banking and shopping the other day , and nothing was working out for me. And as usual , as I was driving to an empty home, it hit me with tears as I drove. Where am I going ,what am I doing and why. As I wrote in my song, “Where to go, What to do, Can’t turn around.” The story behind my words, brought tears. September the 20th is coming up soon. The Year Of Second’s starts, the year of First’s hands off the baton to carry on the race only I can run. Just lonely in my heart.

The loss, the hurt, so deep. But Does not compare to the “Love of the FATHER”. I did a recording of this song (not my words but my take of it).

LOVE OF THE FATHER
Jerry Legacy Cover

How deep the Father’s love for us,

How vast beyond all measure,

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss –

The Father turns His face away,

As wounds which mar the Chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders;

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life –

I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything,

No gifts, no power, no wisdom;

But I will boast in Jesus Christ,

His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer;

But this I know with all my heart –

His wounds have paid my ransom.

12:12 PM

George

These words of yours, “Just lonely in my heart. The loss, the hurt, so deep.” I’ve been living those words for three years. What has helped me, was realizing that this condition will exist until I enter eternity. So looking forward, recognizing that I have been given a little extra time to make a statement, of my love for God and His goodness in blessing me with a 42 year gift of marriage to Julie, I press on. One of Julie’s lyrics was “Don’t look back, you’re forward bound, fight on! That’s what I am doing until God wipes away every tear I have shed. Here’s her song “Storm the Wall.” She wrote it for my high school students when we were raising money for the orphans in Uganda.

STORM THE WALL

SELAH (Don’t look back, you are forward bound, fight on, fight on!)

Friday, September 20, 2019

Jerry’s version of Willie Nelson’s song on Gwen’s first anniversary of her promotion.

GETTING THROUGH IT

SELAH (It’s not something you get over, but it’s something you get through)